Part 7: Conquering Routines and Resistant Behaviors: 4 Proven Strategies

Is the mere mention of bedtime, chores, or leaving the house enough to trigger a meltdown in your child? Are you exhausted and defeated by the daily struggles with routines? Take heart! You're not alone, and there's hope.

While Parent Management Training (PMT) techniques like rewards, consequences, and clear communication are effective for most common behavior challenges, they might not be enough for more complex or resistant behaviors. Some children may struggle with specific skills or cannot perform the desired behavior, while others might display defiance or oppositional tendencies. In such cases, expanding your parenting toolkit beyond the basic PMT techniques you've learned in previous blogs is crucial. Your child’s resistance to change doesn't mean giving up PMT. It's a sign that it's time to broaden your horizons and explore new strategies. For instance, if your child refuses to participate in a simulation, you can try to make it more fun or appealing to them.

However, it's important to note that these strategies may not work instantly and may require patience and consistency. This blog will introduce four powerful, research-backed techniques—Simulations, Jump Starts, Shaping, and Chaining—that can be your secret weapons for calmer days and smoother transitions. These strategies foster a collaborative relationship between parents and children, focusing on understanding and gradual progress toward shared goals. By incorporating these techniques into your parenting toolbox, parents will be better equipped to navigate challenges, foster cooperation, and build a stronger, more harmonious relationship with their children.

1. Simulations: The Dress Rehearsal for Real-Life Challenges

Just imagine the relief and confidence that will wash over you when your child confidently walks into the doctor's office, calmly greets a new babysitter, or navigates a playdate without a hitch. Simulations make this possible by allowing your child to practice difficult situations in a safe, playful setting.

How to Simulate Success:

1.    Pinpoint the Problem: Identify the specific situation that triggers stress or resistance in your child.

2.    Set the Scene: Create a playful, realistic scenario at home using props and role-playing.

3.    Practice Makes Progress: Guide your child through the simulation, teaching them coping skills like deep breaths, calming phrases ("I can do this!"), or problem-solving strategies.

4.    Repeat and Refine: Have fun! The more you practice, the more confident your child will become.

Real-Life Example: If your child dreads haircuts, set up a pretend salon at home. Let them "cut" your hair with toy scissors, then switch roles. This way, they get used to the sights and sounds of the experience without the pressure of the real deal.

2. Jump Starts: Pave the Path to Peaceful Routines

Ever wish you could fast-forward through those chaotic mornings or endless bedtime battles? Jump Starts give you the control and peace you've longed for, allowing you to create smoother transitions by proactively setting up routines and environments for success.

How to Jump Start a Behavior:

1.    Map out the Routine: Visually break down the steps of the routine using pictures or a simple checklist.

2.    Assist your child with the first step(s): If your child struggles to initiate the routine, gently help them with the first step(s). This strategy can provide the momentum they need to continue independently. For example, if getting dressed is a challenge, help them put on their first sock or the first leg of their pants.

3.    Offer Choices: Empower your child by giving them limited choices within the routine (e.g., "Do you want to brush your teeth first or put on your pajamas?").

4.    Be a Role Model: Show enthusiasm for the routine and follow it consistently.

Real-Life Example: If your child struggles with leaving the park, give them a 5-minute warning, followed by a 2-minute warning. Let them choose one last activity before it's time to go.

3. Shaping: The Art of Baby Steps

As the familiar adage goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day," and neither are new habits. Shaping is the art of breaking down a big goal into bite-sized steps and rewarding your child for each small victory along the way.

How to Shape Success:

1.    Identify the Target: Clearly define the behavior you want to teach (e.g., tidying up toys, eating vegetables).

2.    Set Realistic Expectations: Start with a small, achievable step (e.g., putting away one toy or taking one bite of broccoli).

3.    Reward and Repeat: Praise and reward your child for each successful step. Gradually increase the difficulty as they progress.

4.    Celebrate Milestones: Make a big deal out of each new skill or milestone your child achieves.

Real-Life Example: If your child struggles to sit still for meals, start by rewarding them for sitting for 1 minute. Gradually increase the time as they get better.

4. Chaining: Linking Behaviors for Mastery

Chaining involves teaching behaviors by linking them in a forward or reverse order. This technique helps children master complex tasks by breaking them into smaller, more manageable components.

Types of Chaining:

Forward Chaining: Start with the first step of the task and gradually add subsequent steps.

Reverse Chaining: Start with the last step of the task and gradually add the preceding steps.

Example: Teaching a Child to Put on a Shirt (Reverse Chaining)

Task Analysis (Steps):

1.    Identify the front of the shirt.

2.    Gather the neck opening with both hands.

3.    Place head through the neck opening.

4.    Push the right arm into the right sleeve.

5.    Push the left arm through the left sleeve.

6.    Pull the shirt down.

Reverse Chaining Implementation:

1.    Last Step: Pull the shirt down. Hold the shirt open and help your child guide their head through the neck opening and their arms through the sleeves. Then, let them independently pull the shirt down the rest of the way. Praise them enthusiastically for successfully putting on the shirt!

2.    Add Penultimate Step: Put arms through sleeves. Hold the shirt open with the neck hole facing your child. Help them identify the front of the shirt and guide their head through the opening. Then, hold open each sleeve and help them guide their arms through. Let them pull the shirt down independently. Praise them for both steps!

3.    Add Next Step: Place head through the neck opening. Lay the shirt flat with the front facing up. Help your child identify the neck opening and gather it with their hands. Guide their head through the opening, then assist with putting their arms through the sleeves. They finish by pulling the shirt down.

4.    Continue Adding Steps: Gradually add the remaining steps in reverse order (identifying the front of the shirt and gathering the neck opening). Each time, your child will do more of the task independently while you provide support and encouragement.

Tips for Success:

Choose a Loose-Fitting Shirt: Start with a shirt that is easy to put on and take off. Avoid tight collars or restrictive fabrics.
Positive Reinforcement: Use lots of praise and encouragement for each successful step. You can also use small rewards like stickers or a favorite toy.
Model the Steps: Show your child how to do each step before they try it themselves.
Practice Makes Perfect: Be patient and consistent with your practice. The more you practice, the faster your child will learn!

By breaking down the task into smaller steps and gradually increasing your child's independence, you can make learning to dress more enjoyable and less frustrating for both of you.

Conclusion

Remember, every child is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to behavior management. The key is to be flexible, adaptable, and willing to try different strategies. By incorporating these four techniques—Simulations, Jump Starts, Shaping, and Chaining—into your parenting toolbox, you will be better equipped to navigate challenges, foster cooperation, and create a more harmonious home environment for you and your child.

#ODDparentingtips; #ODDmentalhealthmatters; #parentingchallenges 

Important Note: The information in this blog series is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for professional advice from a qualified healthcare provider. If you suspect your child may have ODD or any other mental health condition, please consult with a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment recommendations.