Part 4: The Art of Getting Heard: Giving Directions Your Child with ODD Will Actually Follow

In our previous blog posts, we explored the complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and the importance of building a solid parent-child relationship. This installment will delve into effective communication, a Parent Management Training (PMT) cornerstone. To better understand why certain behaviors occur, we'll introduce the ABC model, a helpful tool for analyzing and addressing challenging situations.

Before discussing how to give directions your child will follow, I would like to introduce a model to help us understand how and why behavior happens. The model is called the ABC or Antecedent-Behavior-Consequence Model. This construct may be challenging to follow. If you have any questions about the model, ask your therapist or submit the question on the message board. 

The ABC Model: Understanding Behavior as a Chain Reaction

All behavior, from the most straightforward actions to complex emotional responses, occurs as a reaction to something that happened before it. The ABC, or Antecedent-Behavior-Consequence model, is a powerful tool that empowers parents to understand this chain reaction and identify why specific behaviors occur. By dissecting behavior into its three core components, we gain insights into modifying or encouraging certain actions, instilling confidence in our ability to influence behavior.

1.     Antecedent (A): The Trigger

The antecedent is the event, stimulus, or situation before the behavior. It acts as the catalyst, setting the stage for the behavior to follow. Antecedents can be:

• External: Events or stimuli in the environment, such as someone asking a question, a change in routine, or a sensory input like a loud noise.
• Internal: Thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, or memories. For example, feeling hungry, anxious, or remembering a past event.

Bedtime Scenario: The antecedent is a parent directing the child to bed. This external instruction triggers a reaction in the child.

2.     Behavior (B): The Action or Response

This is the observable action or reaction that follows the antecedent. It's what the individual does, says, thinks, or feels in response to the trigger. Behaviors can be:

• Overt: Visible actions, like speaking, moving, or gesturing.
• Covert: Internal responses, like thoughts, emotions, or physiological changes.

Bedtime Scenario: The child's behavior is throwing a tantrum, an overt action that involves yelling, crying, or resisting bedtime.

3.     Consequence (C): The Outcome

The consequence is what happens immediately after the behavior. It's the result or effect of the action and plays a crucial role in determining whether the behavior is likely to happen again. Consequences can be:

• Reinforcing: If the consequence is positive or desirable for the individual, it increases the likelihood of the behavior being repeated. This can be receiving praise, approval, or a reward.
• Punishing: If the consequence is negative or undesirable, it decreases the likelihood of the behavior being repeated. This could involve receiving a reprimand, losing a privilege, or experiencing an unwanted outcome. Important Point: Disciplining aims to teach your child expected behaviors. 

Bedtime Scenario: The parent lectures the child about the importance of sleep. In this case, the lecture might be perceived as a negative consequence. Still, it might inadvertently reinforce the tantrum behavior if it gives the child attention or the child perceives the lecture as a means of delaying going to bed.

How the ABC Model Can Help

By understanding the ABC model, we can:

• Identify Triggers: Recognize the antecedents that often lead to challenging behaviors. This can help us modify those triggers or prepare for them in advance.
• Change Behaviors: Develop strategies to address the behavior, such as teaching alternative responses or providing more appropriate consequences.
• Influence Future Actions: By consistently providing appropriate consequences, we can significantly influence whether a behavior will likely reoccur. This aspect of the ABC Model offers hope and optimism, as it demonstrates the potential for long-term behavior modification.

In the bedtime scenario:

• Understanding: The parent might realize that the child throws tantrums at bedtime because they crave attention or want to avoid sleep.
• Intervention: The parent could create a more calming bedtime routine, offer positive attention before bed, and establish consistent consequences for tantrums.

The ABC model is not just a theoretical concept, but a practical tool that can be applied to various situations and ages. Let's take the bedtime scenario as an example. By understanding the connections between antecedents, behaviors, and consequences, we can gain valuable insights into our actions and those of our children. This practical application of the ABC Model in a relatable scenario fosters a deeper understanding and connection to the content, ultimately leading to positive behavior change and growth.

Why Clear Communication Matters

Clear communication is a good practice and a crucial strategy for parents dealing with ODD. Vague or inconsistent instructions can lead to frustration and misunderstandings, triggering defiant behavior. On the other hand, clear, concise, and positive communication can be a powerful tool to foster cooperation and reduce conflict.

Remember, a strong parent-child bond is the cornerstone of effective communication. When your child feels safe, respected, and connected to you, they're likelier to listen and respond positively to your guidance.

Problem Behavior/Positive Opposite: A Key PMT Strategy

A core principle of PMT is teaching positive replacement behaviors. Instead of what your child shouldn't do, focus on what you want them to do. This shift in perspective can significantly change how your child responds to your directions.

Examples of Problem Behaviors and Positive Opposites

Problem Behavior	Positive Opposite
Whining/Complaining	Use a calm, inside voice to tell me what you need.
Interrupting	Wait patiently for your turn to speak.
Aggression (hitting, biting)	Use your words to tell me what's wrong.
Lying/Cheating	Be honest and tell the truth.
Defiance/Disobedience	Listen to my instructions and follow them.
Tantrums	Express your feelings calmly using your words.
Procrastination	Start your tasks right away and finish them on time.
Disorganization	Keep your belongings tidy.
Selfish Behavior	Share with others and take turns.

Let's illustrate this with an example:

Your child is playing with their toys in the living room, leaving them scattered all over the floor. Instead of saying, "Don't leave your toys all over the place!" (which focuses on the negative behavior), try the positive opposite: "Please put your toys back in the toy box."

This approach reinforces the desired behavior (putting toys away) and avoids a confrontation that could escalate into defiance.

The Importance of Observable Behaviors

When using this strategy, it's crucial to focus on observable behaviors – actions you can see and measure. While it's great if your child feels happy or motivated to follow your directions, these internal states are challenging to alter directly. Focusing on specific actions gives your child clear instructions they can understand and follow.

For example, instead of saying, "Be nice to your sister," you could say, "Use kind words when talking to your sister." This makes the expectation concrete and observable.

Crafting Clear Directions: Antecedent

Here are some essential elements for crafting directions that your child with ODD is more likely to follow: 

• Specificity: Make your prompt clear and concise. Avoid the opportunity for loopholes.
• Positivity: Use a calm and encouraging tone of voice. Avoid yelling, nagging, or using threats.
• Proximity: Get close to your child and make eye contact when giving instructions.
• Prompt for Immediate Action: Encourage your child to act immediately using phrases like "Please do it now" or "Let's do this together."
• Statement Form: Form your directions as statements, not questions. Instead of "Can you please put your shoes on?" say, "Please put your shoes on."
• Stand and Wait (Optional, As Needed): After giving the prompt, calmly stand and wait for ten seconds or until the task is started. 
• Use the Word "Now" (Optional, as needed): If your child's typical response is "I'll do it later," and later never comes, add the word "now" to the end of the prompt.

Practicing the Art of Clear Directions

Giving clear directions is a skill that takes practice. The following activities can help you refine your communication and increase the likelihood of your child responding positively to your instructions.

• Role-playing: Act out different scenarios with your child. Practice giving clear directions and insist on positive responses from your child. Make it fun, and treat your child to a special privilege for cooperation after each successful practice session. Ignore inappropriate behavior once. If the problem behavior continues, calmly stop the practice session.
• Mirror practice: Stand in front of a mirror and practice giving directions, paying attention to your tone of voice and body language.
• Audio or Video Recording and Playback: Only for the brave.

Remember, consistency is key! The more you practice giving clear directions, the more natural it will become, and the more likely your child will respond positively.

Now that we've established the importance of giving clear directions let's explore Part 5: Building Cooperation Through Positive Reinforcement: A Guide for Parents. We'll learn how to use praise and rewards effectively to motivate your child and encourage positive behavior changes. We'll also learn how genuine enthusiasm and specific and immediate praise can work wonders in shaping your child's behavior.

#ODDparentingtips; #ODDmentalhealthmatters; #parentingchallenges

Suggested Reading:

Barkley, R. A., & Benton, C. M. (2013). Your Defiant Child: Eight Steps to Better Behavior. Guilford Press. Amazon

Barkley, R. A., & Robin, A. L. (2013). Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship. Guilford Publications. Amazon

Forgatch, M. S., Patterson, G. R., & Friend, T. (2017). Raising cooperative kids: Proven practices for a connected, happy family. Red Wheel/Weiser.

Kazdin, A. E., & Rotella, C. (2009). The Kazdin method for parenting the defiant child: With no pills, no therapy, no contest of wills. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Amazon Kazdin, A. E., & Rotella, C. (2013).

Everyday parenting toolkit: The Kazdin method for easy, step-by-step, lasting change for you and your child. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Important Note: The information in this blog series is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for professional advice from a qualified healthcare provider. If you suspect your child may have ODD or any other mental health condition, please consult with a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment recommendations.