Part 1: Is It Just Stubbornness? Understanding Why Your Child Says "No" So Often

Let's talk about kids who seem to say "no" to everything! Maybe they frequently argue or throw tantrums that make you want to pull your hair out. If this sounds familiar, you might be wondering if your child has something called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). This blog series will help you understand ODD and what you can do about it.

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Stubbornness vs. ODD: What's the Difference?

It's normal for kids to be stubborn sometimes. They might not want to clean their room, eat their vegetables, or go to bed when you tell them to. But this is usually just a temporary thing. They might get a little frustrated, but they eventually come around.

ODD is different. It's when a child's defiance and arguments become a struggle almost every day for at least six months. ODD behaviors may disrupt one or more of these settings; your home, school, and peer relationships. Your child might argue constantly, even over small things. They may get easily frustrated and angry and sometimes even have meltdowns. Only mental health professionals can diagnose cases of ODD. However, here's a quick way to differentiate between stubbornness and ODD to help determine if you should see a mental health practitioner.

• Stubbornness: When a stubborn child becomes uncooperative, it is infrequent, and he can calm down relatively quickly. The child might compromise after talking it out. The child shows normal emotions (frustration, disappointment) at moderate intensity. The child complies with adults 70-80% of the time. Parents dealing with a stubborn child have a challenge on their hands. However, excellent resources may help you change your child's behavior without professional help (see references below).

Be cautious about your choice of reference books. All the references below will provide you with evidence based skills and techniques that have been found effective in many replicated studies.

• ODD: Frequent defiance disrupts family life; defiance seems unprovoked, is less likely to compromise, has intense emotions (tantrums, anger outbursts), and disrespects adults. The child may display vindictive or callous-unemotional behaviors in the most severe cases. In most cases, when a child has ODD, professional help is required to bring about the necessary changes that will allow your child to live a functional life.

The Science Behind ODD:  Imagine your child's brain as an orchestra. Chemicals in the brain called "neurotransmitters" help control emotions and how a child acts. In some kids with ODD, these chemicals might be a little out of whack, making it harder for them to manage their emotions and behavior.

Science suggests genes might also play a part in ODD. For example, the " warrior gene" is more common in aggressive people. Other genes are linked to conditions like ADHD, depression, and anxiety. However, the important thing is that having these genes doesn't guarantee that someone will get ODD. It just means they might be more likely to. It's like having a higher chance of inheriting brown hair, but you could still end up with blonde!

How Your Family Life Can Affect ODD:  While genetics and brain chemistry contribute to disruptive behavior, how your family works together can also make a difference. If a parent has a mental health condition, it can be harder for them to help a child with ODD. A chaotic home environment with much fighting or neglect can also worsen things. On the other hand, a calm and supportive home can help a child with ODD thrive. Yelling and punishment can worsen defiance, while clear rules and positive reinforcement can help.

Moving Forward to Solutions: Understanding the reasons behind your child's behavior can help you move beyond just getting frustrated. In the next part of this blog series, we'll explore treatments that can improve behavior, whether your child has ODD or simply possesses stubborn traits.

In part two of this blog series, we'll tackle the topic of ODD, from understanding the root causes to practical strategies for helping your child. Stay tuned for the next part, where we explore different treatments that can make a real difference!

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Resources 

Barkley, R. A., & Benton, C. M. (2013). Your Defiant Child: Eight Steps to Better Behavior. Guilford Press. Amazon

Barkley, R. A., & Robin, A. L. (2013). Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship. Guilford Publications. Amazon  

Forgatch, M. S., Patterson, G. R., & Friend, T. (2017). Raising cooperative kids: Proven            practices for a connected, happy family. Red Wheel/Weiser.  Amazon 

Kazdin, A. E., & Rotella, C. (2009). The Kazdin method for parenting the defiant child: With no pills, no therapy, no contest of wills. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Amazon

Kazdin, A. E., & Rotella, C. (2013). Everyday parenting toolkit: The kazdin method for easy, step-by-step, lasting change for you and your child. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Amazon