Part 5: Building Cooperation Through Positive Reinforcement: A Guide for Parents

By Andy Anderson

Setting Up a Successful Point Chart/Token System for Your Child: A Comprehensive Guide

Positive reinforcement can be a game-changer for parents raising children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). It's not just about saying "good job" but specific, sincere, and timely recognition of your child's efforts and progress. To make praise truly effective, consider these key elements:

1.     Specificity: Avoid generic praise like "good job." Instead, pinpoint exactly what your child did well. For example, "I love how you shared your toys with your sister without being asked." This shows you noticed their specific action and reinforces that particular behavior.
2.     Sincerity: Your praise should be genuine and heartfelt. Children are adept at sensing insincerity, so deliver your compliments with warmth and enthusiasm. A forced smile or tone won't have the same impact.
3.     Immediacy: Deliver praise immediately after the desired behavior occurs. This strengthens the connection between your child's actions and your positive response. For example, if your child follows instructions the first time, immediately say, "Thank you for listening so well!"
4.     Non-Verbal Communication: Combine verbal praise with non-verbal cues like smiles, hugs, high-fives, or thumbs-up. These gestures enhance the emotional impact of your praise and make your child feel seen and appreciated.

Additional Tips

5.     Focus on Effort and Progress: Acknowledge your child's hard work and any progress they make. Even small steps deserve recognition. Saying, "You kept trying even when the puzzle was difficult; that's great perseverance!" reinforces their effort and encourages them to keep going.

6.     Frequency: Offer praise frequently, even for seemingly small accomplishments. Consistent positive feedback helps reinforce desired behaviors and motivates your child to continue making positive choices.

7.     Descriptive Language: Use specific and descriptive language to convey your approval. Instead of just saying, "Good job," try. "You were so patient waiting for your turn on the slide." This helps your child understand exactly what they did right.

8.     Personalization: Tailor your praise to your child's interests and personality. If they love drawing, emphasize their creativity or attention to detail. Personalizing your praise makes it more meaningful and relevant to your child.

Incorporating these elements into your social reinforcement can create a more positive and encouraging environment for your child with ODD. Remember, praise is a powerful tool that not only shapes behavior but also strengthens your relationship and fosters a sense of accomplishment in your child.

The stronger your bond with your child, the more motivated they will be to earn your approval. In fact, for some children, praise and recognition alone can be enough to encourage positive behavior. It's worth trying this approach for a week or two to see if it works for your child.

However, most children will need additional motivation once the novelty of praise wears off. A vital component of a more structured approach is using a point chart or token system coupled with enthusiastic praise. When choosing rewards, focus on privileges your child may view as entitlements, such as transportation to friends' houses, electronics usage, or phone privileges. Of course, include a few highly motivating material rewards as well.

Planning the Token or Point System

  1. Choose Target Behaviors: Collaborate with your child to initially select two to four behaviors to focus on. One behavior should be something they already do well, while the others should be more challenging behaviors you'd like them to improve.
    • Target Pivotal Behaviors: Almost all children with ODD struggle with compliance, verbal or physical aggression, and breaking items when upset. Make sure to include the following behaviors. 
      •  "Following Directions"
      • "Stay calm when frustrated or when told no." 
  2. Define the Behaviors: Explain each behavior so your child knows exactly what's expected. Be specific and use language your child can understand. For younger children, you can use pictures or visual aids to illustrate the desired behaviors. For example, define "following Directions" as (1) Doing what is asked, (2) the first time, and (3) calmly.
  3. Assign Point Values (or Tokens):
    • Point Chart: Decide how many points each behavior is worth. The more challenging the behavior, the more points it should earn.
    • Token System: Choose tokens your child will find motivating (stickers, stamps, small objects). Each token represents a certain number of points.
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  1. Create a Reward Menu: Work with your child to brainstorm a list of enticing rewards they can "purchase" with their earned points or tokens. Prioritize privileges your child values, like extra time with electronics or choosing a family activity, alongside a few material rewards. Make sure some rewards are easily achievable so your child experiences frequent success.
  2. Set Clear Goals: Determine how many points or tokens your child needs to earn for a reward. Make sure the goals are achievable and adjust them as needed as your child progresses.

Implementing the System

  1. Introduce the Chart/System: Explain the system to your child positively and excitingly. Show them the reward menu and explain how they can earn points or tokens through positive actions. For younger children, use visual aids or a simple chart to help them understand.
  2. Award Points/Tokens and Praise: As soon as your child demonstrates a target behavior, give them the corresponding points or tokens and offer specific praise. Be enthusiastic and genuine in your recognition.
  3. Daily Review: Take time each day to review the chart or count the tokens with your child. Celebrate the points or tokens they've earned and discuss the positive behaviors they displayed. If they have yet to earn many points or tokens, gently encourage them to try again the next day.
  4. Rewards: When your child has earned enough points or tokens, let them choose a reward from the menu. Make sure the reward is given promptly to reinforce the positive behavior.

Tips for Success:

  • Consistency: Use the chart or token system daily and consistently reward positive behaviors.
  • Flexibility: Adjust point values, goals, and rewards based on your child's progress.
  • Collaboration: Involve your child in creating and maintaining the system to foster ownership and engagement.

Remember, the goal is to create a positive and encouraging environment where your child feels supported and motivated to make positive choices. By consistently using a point chart or token system and incorporating enthusiastic praise, you can empower your child to develop new skills and overcome challenges.

Additional Tips:

  • Daily Review: Review the chart daily to celebrate successes and discuss progress.
  • Available Rewards: Keep some rewards accessible daily for your child.
  • Honor Agreements: Give rewards as promised, even if your child has other challenging behaviors that day or week.
  • Encourage Reward Use: Remind your child to use their points often to reinforce positive actions.
  • Track Progress: Create a weekly graphical tracking system 
Many parents ask at this point, "What do I do when my child engages in dangerous behavior? I can't withhold my attention until he stops." Here are some strategies: 

  1. Think of Discipline as Teaching:  Try to see these moments as opportunities to show [your child] how to make safer choices. Instead of reacting with anger or frustration, focus on guiding him toward the behavior you want to see.
  2. Brief and Clear Directions: Use a calm but firm voice to give a short, clear direction to stop the behavior. Avoid lecturing or lengthy explanations at the moment. Please focus on the action you'd like [your child] to take. A reprimand is an excellent way to phrase directions when you see [your child] doing something dangerous or handling a hazardous item. 

1.       What to Stop: Identify the specific behavior you want your child to cease. Avoid vague language and focus on the action itself.

2.       Why: Explain the reasoning behind the reprimand. Help your child understand the potential consequences of their actions or why the behavior is unacceptable.

3.       What to Do Instead: Offer a more appropriate, explicit alternative behavior. This will not only correct the current behavior but also empower your child to make better choices in the future, instilling a sense of confidence in your parenting approach.

  • Physical Guidance: If necessary, gently but firmly guide [your child] away from the dangerous situation or object. Do this calmly and without anger.
  • Time-Out: In PMT, a time-out means removing the child from the thing or removing the thing from the child. Separate the temptation from the child.
  • Positive Reinforcement: Once [your child] has stopped the dangerous behavior, immediately praise and reward his cooperation. Praise makes the desired behavior more likely to change and helps [your child] understand his expectations.
  • Consistency: It's crucial to be consistent in your approach. Consistency means responding to dangerous behaviors the same way each time they occur. Inconsistency can lead to confusion and make it more difficult for [your child] to learn the desired behaviors.
  • Prevention: Try to anticipate and prevent dangerous situations whenever possible. Preventative measures might include 
    • Childproofing your home,
    • Closely supervising [your child] in potentially hazardous environments and
    • Teaching him about safety rules.
    • Simulations can help, too. 
      • Teach the behavior you want. 
      • Rehearse the desired behavior when everyone is calm 
        • Step 1: Teach the child how to pet dogs gently
        • Step 2: Practice petting an imaginary dog or stuffed animal; 
        • Step 3: Practice petting the dog subjected to the abuse; Praise progress toward the desired behavior). 

#ODDparentingtips; #ODDmentalhealthmatters; #parentingchallenges

Suggested Reading:

Barkley, R. A., & Benton, C. M. (2013). Your Defiant Child: Eight Steps to Better Behavior. Guilford Press. Amazon

Barkley, R. A., & Robin, A. L. (2013). Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship. Guilford Publications. Amazon

Forgatch, M. S., Patterson, G. R., & Friend, T. (2017). Raising cooperative kids: Proven practices for a connected, happy family. Red Wheel/Weiser.

Kazdin, A. E., & Rotella, C. (2009). The Kazdin method for parenting the defiant child: With no pills, no therapy, no contest of wills. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Amazon Kazdin, A. E., & Rotella, C. (2013).

Everyday parenting toolkit: The Kazdin method for easy, step-by-step, lasting change for you and your child. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Important Note: The information in this blog series is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for professional advice from a qualified healthcare provider. If you suspect your child may have ODD or any other mental health condition, please consult with a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment recommendations.

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