Part 4: Equipping Your Child for Success: Positive Replacement Behaviors

By Andy Anderson


In previous blogs, we've discussed ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), effective treatments, the importance of a positive relationship, and how a child with ODD can make things challenging at home. But there's good news! Part 4 is all about taking action.

Part 4, Behavior Management for Parents of Children with ODD, will first connect the skill in Part 3, Rebuilding Your Parent/Child Relationship, with the second skill, teaching your child to follow your directions. 

Building a Strong Foundation: Your Key to Success

Let's face it, raising a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) can be challenging, especially when it comes to getting them to follow directions. But here's the good news: a strong and positive relationship with your child is the foundation for success with Parent Management Training (PMT) and navigating these challenges together.

Think of it like this: if your child feels safe and trusts you, they will likely listen and cooperate. When you have a good connection, you can talk things through instead of getting into power struggles. You can explain why following your directions is essential, which can help your child understand the bigger picture. Finally, praise for positive behavior will be more effective because the child will be more likely to seek your approval.

Building a solid relationship takes time and effort, but it's worth it. It creates a foundation where you and your child can set routines and expectations together. Directions won't feel so bossy, and your child might even feel more involved in making things work smoothly at home. Remember, there will still be challenges, but a positive connection can make a difference in navigating them together.

Here's the kicker: Researchers have found that PMT works around 80% of the time. In my clinical experience, PMT will succeed even more often if a positive relationship exists between parent and child. With a broken relationship, PMT is less likely to be successful, but it's still possible to move toward your goal of improving your child's behavior.

This positive foundation is crucial, so let's move on to explore the tools PMT offers to help you teach your child to follow directions effectively.

Teaching Your Child to Follow Directions

PMT equips parents with tools to understand and respond effectively to challenging behaviors. One essential tool is teaching positive replacement behaviors. For example, suppose your child throws a tantrum when they don't get their way. In that case, PMT can help you teach your child calmer ways to express frustration, like discussing the problem reasonably or accepting the parents' decision without complaint.

An effective means of teaching positive behaviors is to tell your child what you want them today rather than what not to do. We call this strategy Problem Behaviors/Positive Opposites. 

Your child is riding a tricycle in your driveway. As time passes, he begins to creep closer and closer toward the street. Tell the child before he goes into the street, "Ride your tricycle on the driveway," rather than "Don't ride out into the street." Of course, praise the child for following your directions to encourage him to follow them next time. Later, we will discuss what to do if the child talks back or ignores you. 

One final point about Problem Behavior/Positive Opposite is that the only thing you can prompt is observable behavior. Prompting a child to feel or think a certain way is less effective, if at all. Since unobservable thoughts, feelings, and attitudes are unmeasurable, you won't know whether the child complied with your directions. 

Examine this table for problem behavior/positive opposite examples. This is one of the most challenging PMT skills and requires much practice. It is human nature to look for what is wrong, not right, about a situation. Imagine dancers on a stage precisely in unison. Our eye goes directly to the dancer who falls out of synch, not those in step.


Problem Behavior

Positive Opposite

Whining/Complaining

Calm communication

Interrupting

Listening and waiting for your turn to speak

Aggression (hitting, biting, kicking)

Calmly Resolve the Conflict

Lying/Cheating

Honesty and truthfulness

Defiance/Disobedience

Following instructions and respecting rules

Tantrums

Express needs and frustrations Calmly.

Procrastination

Completing tasks on time

Disorganization

keeping things organized

Selfish Behavior

Sharing and cooperation
 OK. Finally, the elements that make up a good prompt, command, or request. 

Component

Description

Example

Be Specific

Clear and detailed instructions.

Instead of "Clean your room," try "Please put all your toys on the shelves and dirty clothes in the hamper."

Calmness

Use a positive and encouraging tone.

"Hey there, come help me clean the living room. We can sort the blocks together!"

Proximity

Be physically close to the child.

While prompting them to do a task, wait until you have their attention and look them in the eye.

Prompt for Immediate Action

Encourage the child to take action right away.

"Come to the table for dinner - now? Instead of "We will eat in 30 minutes."

Statement Form

Phrase your prompt as a statement for a more direct approach.

"Pick up your backpack and put it away" (instead of "Do you want to pick up your backpack?" which can lead to a yes or no answer without action).

Part 5: will present the elements of good praise. See the table below. 

Elements of Good Praise

 

Element

Description

Example (Helping with Groceries)

Enthusiastic & Sincere

Show genuine appreciation and warmth.

"Wow, Maya, thank you so much for helping with the groceries! That was a huge help, honey." (Warm smile and genuine appreciation)

Specific

Point out exactly what you admire about her helpfulness.

"I appreciate how you sorted the groceries and neatly put everything away. Now the kitchen looks organized!"

Close (Nonverbal)

Use a hug, high five, or a playful pat on the head.

(While saying the praise): Give her a hug or a quick squeeze on the shoulder.

Immediate

Offer praise right after she helps out.

(Right after she finishes putting groceries away): "You're such a responsible helper, Maya! Maybe we can bake some cookies with those bananas later?"

 

 

References:

Ericsson, A., & Pool, R. (2016). Peak: Secrets from the new science of expertise. HarperCollins.

    


Barkley, R. A., & Robin, A. L. (2013). Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and              Rebuild Your Relationship. Guilford Publications.

Barkley, R. A., & Robin, A. L. (2013). Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship. Guilford Publications. 


 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Part 1: Is It Just Stubbornness? Understanding Why Your Child Says "No" So Often

By Andy Anderson
Let's talk about kids who seem to say "no" to everything! Maybe they frequently argue or throw tantrums that make you want to pull your hair out. If this sounds familiar, you might be wondering if your child has something called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). This blog series will help you understand ODD and what you can do about it. Click Here to Review the Introduction: Stubbornness vs. ODD: What's the Difference? It's normal for kids to be stubborn sometimes. They might not want to clean their room, eat their vegetables, or go to bed when you tell them to. But this is usually just a temporary thing. They might get a little frustrated, but they eventually come around. ODD is different. It's when a child's defiance and arguments become a struggle almost every day for at least six months. ODD behaviors may disrupt one or more of these settings; your home, school, and peer relationships. Your child might argue constantly, even over small things. They
Read more

Section One: Understanding and Managing ODD: For Parents of Children with Challenging Behavior

By Andy Anderson
Do you ever feel like you're walking on eggshells around your child? You're not alone. Helping your child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and other challenging behaviors can be frustrating. This blog series, "Understanding and Managing ODD: For Parents of Children with Challenging Behaviors," equips parents and guardians with the knowledge and strategies to navigate these difficulties. We'll explore common signs of ODD, powerful treatment options, and ways to rebuild a positive parent-child relationship. Click here to continue to Part 1: "Is It Just Stubbornness? Understanding Why Your Child Says 'No' So Often'."
Read more

Part 2: Powerful Treatments for Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

By Andy Anderson
  Remember Part 1? We discussed the reasons behind your child's constant defiance, such as brain chemistry, genes, and even things happening around them at home or school. Now, in Part 2, let's move past understanding why they act out and find real solutions—how to help them behave better! Click Here to review Part 1: Helping Your Child Behave Better: A Guide to ODD Treatment Does your child argue, get mad quickly, and frequently appear in a bad mood? They might have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). It's a common problem for kids, but the good news is there are ways to help them act better. Think of it like a Team Effort. In many cases, the best way to tackle ODD is to work together with multiple mental health professionals. A combination of different treatments can be beneficial and sometimes crucial when your child also suffers from depression, anxiety, ADHD, or other disorders or problems. Core Treatments Parent Boot Camp (PMT):  This unique program teaches parents
Read more